“I talk a big game
Even though I don’t have one
In fact I’m normally shy and reserved
I’m the quietest
Of all my friends
Unless a bottle of wine is served
I say sorry flippantly
Apologize for breathing
And I’m sorry if you find me annoying
By how much tea you see me steeping”
Stagnation and self doubt may be the cruelest critic we have against personal growth. It prohibits you from letting your work flow like it normally does. The doubt we feel lingers in the back of your mind saying we are not who we are and that we are a fraud.
You are not alone. I deal with it constantly. (Sometimes it takes a rest to get over the feeling, sometimes a bottle of wine and some well chosen friends.)
I am not a master of my craft but merely someone wanting to find my own way in it while taking small cues from others. I don’t want to be the person that emulates another artist. I want to be the artist that people look up too and want a smidgen of the same thing I have been able to accomplish. But I don’t want them to copy my path. I want them to find their own.
It’s easier to get lost if you are filing your hopes and dreams in somebodies else’s. If theirs is on top of the world, you’re lifted up, but if theirs tanks you have an excuse. If it’s your goals, and your experiences, the only person you can blame for your inadiquicies is yourself. But you also have to decide if you will continue letting yourself hold you back with doubt or if you will let yourself free fall into something great. I took that leap, and although I’m not perfect, I’m learning more than I ever thought I would. I’m learning because I want to learn, though, I don’t want to be stagnant.
Stagnation can be the ultimate betrayer in this all. If you are stagnant when you free fall, you could just wind up hurting your overall mission even more. Make some waves. Try new things. Make a goal. Then free fall into it. If you don’t have your own experiences to fall on when you don’t make it you will learn nothing except that; that didn’t go the way you wanted and you might not do it again. Fear is the opposite of creativity. Open yourself up to the possibility of failing, but learning from each mistake. You may come out with your greatest masterpiece.